what are you doing right now?
i’m actually just sitting in my living room with my headphones on and visuals of earth on the tv in the background hahaha. I’m okaiiii i feel totally 🙂↔️🙂↔️🙂↔️🙂. i was working in a cafe in Glasgow but i’ve been unemployed for most of the year
where do you live?
i come from a town called galston, i don’t drive so the bus from here to where i worked was roughly 1hr 30 most days. i wanted to work in glasgow instead of nearby because i like the city and i actually love bus journeys i just listen to music and vibe out. there’s something so invigorating about it, like you’re really living a dream type vibe. i love the introspection travel can bring into your life. but when the buses break down i would get anxious of being late but tbf they barely were late. i hate the control a job has over me, i think i need to be my own boss. my best job was cutting grass all summer haha
time flows differently when you’re outside [?]
literally!! it was so nice because i’d just be out walking with a lawnmower in the sun. It’s also why i love painting because i get so lost in it, and the rules of time doesn’t seem to exist
have you ever seen Lawnmower Man?
No.. but holy fuck not even joking this looks right up my street. i could be lawnmower girl O.o.
how do you relax?
i’m soo addicted to my phone now. i can’t consume a thought it’s all just media these days and brain rot has gotten to me. i think actually depends on my mood, sometimes extensive listening to tunes is what i need and other days literally just binge watching a series or watching my comfort movie of the week. Exercise. i also like baths and just generally pampering myself
what does brain rot look like for you?
Labubu scrolling
please describe yourself
i would say im a very simplistic girlie who takes joy in the simple things, like riding my bike. very much lana del rey born to die vibes, this album got me through my teenage anxiety/depression. i do live in my own fantasy world a lot and music has always enhanced this. i get really overhelmed when i act too wired into society so the persona ive created almost keeps me there. i would say im actually a very understanding, emotional and romantic being. i love, love it’s what we’re here for at the end of the day, but im still practicing being comfortable with wearing my heart on my sleeve. i enjoy human connection and i get most of my inspiration through the art of conversation
erin hopes>>>
is there a particular memory or moment from your early life that you carry with you every day?
i would say that my early activities such as dancing and skiing have remained with me i love to dance and the dancing shows were always some of the best nights of the year for me, i loved the spotlight to be honest and would always give 100% to the night. then skiing in the italian mountains has always stuck with me. there's something so awe inspiring about it, feeling like you're connected to something greater than yourself. i completed all the black runs in pila when i was 17 and i remember being so anxious but i conquered it anyway.
when did erin hopes come into being?
hahah honestly i remember the persona coming to life most distinctively as i was around 18 years old. i had just dropped out of glasgow university and did a foundation year of fine art in order to go to art school. all i ever wanted to do when i left school was go to art school and i made it. erin hopes at this point was beginning to take shape as a conceptual artist first, heavily researching psychology, philosophy and history,and from there i embedded this stuff into my fine art practice.
Our first encounter with you was through social media, possibly before music.
Yeah I think I’ve been using this since I was about 18 – short term pain for long term gain sort of thing. i think i grew up with very distinct pop girlies like pop princess so i guess i wanted to mimic this. the humour is key honestly, it’s west of scotland humour but also heavily inspired by the attitude of the likes of eminem, my last boyfriend when i was 19 introduced me to rap and i fell in love with it
the persona is compelling because it's so self-contradicting...confrontation/vulnerability, hotness/grotesquerie++
so i’m an aquarius rising and pisces moon and they’re both in my first house so this literally describes this living paradox
And the music?
The music happened very fast. I just never thought it was my territory/ domain. until one day i made my moon is in pisces on my phone and released it on soundcloud, and it took off and i was captivated by the response and connection to the audience.
Are there parts of your identity that you feel are misunderstood or overlooked?
yes definitely, i would say my mind, my intelligence and i guess work ethic which partially is my own fault because in society i tend to keep these factors hidden. But I am a very calculating and open-minded person and i have excelled in my academic career. i love problem solving and writing essays. anything arts or human related is my go to. the concept is crucial and what drives me
how do you deal with loneliness?
to be honest it depends on my mindset. i think that since being sectioned i became really, almost too comfortable with being alone. some of my darkest times is when i’ve felt most alone, but it’s also some of my highlights. i enjoy my own company and mostly i do struggle in connection even though i adore it so much. i would say these times definitely inspire me though, i understand my own mind almost too well that ive learned to accept the darker side to things. but some days i honestly need the time to myself to turn off the obsessive need to be doing better than i am. in my early i years of studying i incorporated this feeling of isolation into something tangible. however it’s ironic because in creating at the forefront of my process is considering how it will impact the receiver
What does "home" mean to you now?
home to me is like feeling comfortable around someone enough to go completely non verbal, where i can safely exist without expectations and just enjoy the presence of another
what is your understanding of love?
i think my understanding of love has changed as i explored queer relationships. it was in loving a woman that i embodied the idea that love is letting go, to love another so deeply to let go of controlling the outcome and just really letting life unfold. i think as well it’s important to note my connection to and understanding of the divine. one night while i was knees deep in meditation i broke through this concept of “samadhi” and in that moment i understood the depths of what deep unconditional love is, how singularity and duality are essentially the same thing and how ultimately that’s all we’re really put on this planet to do
are there friendships or relationships you’ve had to let go of in order to grow?
yes recently a lot of that actually. i had to let go of my longest friendships of my life, like since i was a yout and it was honestly heartbreaking but i think we had just outgrown one another which is a natural aspect of life. i wish these people nothing but love and joy as they’ve definitely helped shape who i am today, but ultimately i’ve learned to let go of these relationship which if I hadn’t would’ve just become toxic which is no good for either side.
who really sees you as you are?
i actually have no idea really and i used to struggle with this a lot but i feel like my path is lowkey a lonely one. but if i were to be less guarded the real answer is my best friend cait. we connected instantly on the first day of uni and i didn’t know it was possible to trust another being with how i trust her, she accepted every part of me and took care of me whilst i was at my lowest. when i couldn’t eat, she cooked me waffles, and when the psychosis started she phoned the ambulance. when i attempted suicide in february 2022 she was the only person i called and i remember how soft her tone was when she picked up. “i’m at the hospital cait, i acted on it” i said and she was just like “it’s okay, we need to get you better”. when i got sectioned she came to visit and still showed me unconditional love (and she gave me a talking to for some of the stuff i was posting). she was there for me at the lowest time of my life and honestly i wouldn’t be here today if it weren’t for her. but on the lighter side of things we have some great memories just being super silly around uni, around london. and we have a beautiful working relationship where we would inspire one another to create. her intellect is actually beyond me and i can’t wait to see where this life takes us together.
If you disappeared tomorrow, what would you wish to be remembered for?
in year 2 i was part of a collective named “time and detachment” and this investigation has really shaped my approach in creating. my sketchbooks, the words and essays i’ve written, the depths of my research into spirituality, psychics, the concept of detachment and the illusion and intricate workings of time, and the thought that went into every calculated decision.